How to know that you’re getting old

The Mad PreacherGetting Old

Well tomorrow, the 25th of August, is my 69th birthday. So I thought share some humor for us “old folks”.

You know that you’re getting old when…

Your back goes out more than you do.

You feel like the morning after when you haven’t been anywhere the night before.

You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.

You know that you’re getting old when…

Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

You wake up with that morning-after feeling and you didn’t do anything the night before.

You don’t care where your wife goes, just so you don’t have to go along.

 You know that you’re getting old when…

It takes twice as long to look half as good.

People call at 9 PM and ask, “Did I wake you?”

You can live without sex but not without glasses.

Your mind makes contracts your body can’t keep.

 You know that you’re getting old when…

There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.

You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

 You know that you’re getting old when…

You look for your glasses for half-an-hour, and then find they’ve been on your head all the time.

Happy hour is a nap.

You begin every other sentence with, “Nowadays…”

You don’t remember when your wild oats turned to shredded wheat.

You know that you’re getting old when…

You’re proud of your lawn mower.

You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don’t remember being on top of it.

Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

 You know that you’re getting old when…

Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.

Your ears are hairier than your head.

It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

You know that you’re getting old when…

You talk about “good grass” and you’re referring to someone’s lawn.

Your childhood toys are now in a museum.

You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.

You sing along with the elevator music.

 You know that you’re getting old when…

You know all the answers, but nobody asks you any of the questions.

You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.

Your new easy chair has more options than your car.

Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.

 You know that you’re getting old when…

Everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.

You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.

You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.

“Getting a little action” means you don’t need to take a laxative.

 You know that you’re getting old when…

Conversations with people your own age often turn into “dueling ailments.”

You have more patience; but actually, it’s just that you don’t care anymore.

Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.
 

And finally…

You know that you’re getting old when…

You read more and remember less.

Younger women start opening doors for you.
 Youthful injuries return with a vengeance.
 And…You learn where your prostrate is.
 
 

 

 

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