Often I’ve poured out my love, my passion on women with getting little or none in return. I have dug empty well, after empty well without striking water. Still my heart remains parched. I have tried to plant my very best seeds of love and devotion only to reap a harvest of thorns. When I offered love I only received scorn. When I offered my heart it was cast aside. The pain, unbearable.
“What’s wrong with me?” I ask. “How big of a fool am I?” Will I ever know happiness with someone who actually loves me back, completely, without restraint? This question haunts me. I pray “Lord, you said in your WORD ‘It is not good for a man to be alone.’ Yet, this seems to be my plight.” I ask “Lord, you know me better than anyone else knows me. What’s wrong with me? Is it some deficit in my character, some flaw to which I am blinded? Is my love not pure enough?” These questions continue to hover over me like dark clouds covering the sun, hiding the answers I seek. They cruelly mock me.
I said to the Lord, “Father you made me the way I am, a hopeless romantic who loves to pour out his affection and passion on the lady in my life. If you mean for me to be alone then please, please, remove this desire from my heart. I’m yours, Father. My life belongs to you. I know you want what’s best for me. I trust you implicitly. If being alone is what you want for me. Then so be it. Just please remove this desire from my heart for it causes me pain.”
I’ve made that request time and time again. So far the Father remains silent on the issue. So I will continue to trust him because I know that for some strange reason He loves me.
“Speak of me as one that loved not wisely but too well.” —Othello
An Addendum to Dry Wells—a lamentation by Rod Davis
While I was praying and trying to minister to a dear friend of mine God reminded me of something he told me years ago. Please, don’t miss this! This is extremely important! As stated earlier, “I have tried to plant my very best seeds of love and devotion only to reap a harvest of thorns.” Then I asked God this very personal question, “What’s wrong with me? Is it some deficit in my character, some flaw to which I am blinded? Is my love not pure enough?”
Are you going through a bad relationship with a spouse, family member or friend and you’ve poured you love into that relationship, and it’s still not working? Are you asking God the same questions I ask? If so, this will be truly liberating.
Jesus told this story in Matthew 13.
3“A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4 As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5 Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6 But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7 Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8 Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. 9 Whoever has ears, let them hear.”(NIV)
You see, my hurting friend, there if nothing wrong with the seed you’ve been planting into that relationship. The problem lays with the ground in which you’re sowing. If that ground is good the relationship will be good, healthy and growing. But if it’s bad, you will likely reap only thorns which will grow up and choke that relationship leaving a harvest of only loneliness, sadness and confusion.
Don’t make the mistakes I’ve made. Prayerfully pick your ground and be sure it’s good before you start investing yourself into it.
I am overwhelmed when I consider the great mercy and grace of our LORD! But is God’s grace free? Absolutely not! It was bought and paid for by the precious blood of Jesus. Now, it’s free to all who come to him, asking forgiveness and asking the LORD Jesus to take control their lives.
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace… (Ephesians 1:7 NIV)